As I sit staring at my blank, dark ceiling, I can’t help but think about you. You have been something that everyone chases after at some point in their life. It doesn’t matter the time of day be it day or night, you have been the thing that people desire to hold onto yet can’t always grasp.

I know I’m not the only one who tosses and turns, unable to attain the comfortable position to sleep at night, who, when asked “did you get a good night’s rest”, pauses and thinks in their head “I wanted to but I couldn’t.”

I kept my eyes open, my mind racing, my thoughts wondering about what my day will bring. Will I be productive or bored out of my mind? Will I be happy or find myself swimming through another day, fighting through the rip currents of my mind?

I was hoping to rest easy,

so I took a shower, changed my sheets, I did everything I could to make things neat. I even sprinkled baby powder on my mattress to give my bed a fresh aroma, a subtle yet delicate smell that could relax me and allow me to drift into a realm of sweet release.

I was sure that I would find you tonight. I did all that I thought I should do to obtain you, but still, I’m left here again not enjoying your embrace.

I think about you often and I wonder how you would feel, but somehow, even though I set myself up to experience you, I still fall short of your comforts.

I like many, find you difficult. I want you. I need you. Especially, after enduring a long day.

I know that you’re obtainable.

I know where I need to go to find you.

I know who gives me you in great supply but I can’t help but ask, why am I still up tonight?

 

For those of you who join me in this restless mode of questioning, it appears that we have assigned ourselves the same struggle.

Every sound that’s made reminds me of how overly aware I really am.

I’m overthinking, over analyzing.

I’m trying to find a way to control the uncontrollable.

I, like you, are still waiting for the day for my mind to be at rest from a stress that plagues me.

Leaving me, to seek out a gift that is supposed to be fully enjoyed……

 

As the sun rises and the day breaks and I stare out into the sky, I can’t help but think about all of you who have let the time go by.

Another night meant to lay down and refuel, really only exposed my lack of relationship with you.